written by Bethany McKinney Fox
This devotional-style blog series is written with the intention of giving you space slowing down, find your center, and ground your day.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
In pretty much every recent conversation I’ve had with church starters and leaders, the consistent questions are how long physical distancing will last and when it will be wise and safe to gather again in person with our worshiping communities.
These wonderings make sense - we want to plan, to discern the best path forward for connecting to our members and connecting them to each other, and honestly, to prepare personally in our own hearts and minds for how long we are going to be leading church online. And every day we are reminded that we are not holding the steering wheel on the world, that we don’t have ultimate control over the spread of the virus, the decisions of our lawmakers on when to allow gatherings, or over the feelings of our community members on when they feel safe to meet again. There is a lot that is out of our control.
And I think most of us realize that really, that’s always true. But this season makes it obvious a lot more often. The control we think we have over our lives and the world is mostly an illusion, and one that gets disrupted on the regular. But in non-pandemic times, some of us like to lull ourselves back into the soothing belief that if we can just do things the best or “right” way, we can achieve all the outcomes we plan for. Nothing like a pandemic and the tragedy, grief, and frustration that comes with it to remind us that we can’t hold the reins quite as tightly as we sometimes might want to.
Below you’ll find a scripture, reflection questions, and a closing prayer to make some space to prayerfully reflect on control in your own life, or loss of control, and how you hold these together with trusting God and surrendering to the movement of the Spirit. When it feels like the right time, you might spend some moments with God to wonder together. It might be first thing in the morning, during a mid-day walk, with a close friend over video chat, with a member of your household, or at the end of the day as you reflect on all that has happened. May it be a time of feeling grounded in the love and sufficiency of God.
Scripture
You’re invited to read this slowly, maybe a couple of times, and invite God to speak to you. Notice your reactions as you read the story, where you resonate, where you feel tension, where you have questions.
Luke 1:26-38
26 In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, 27 to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 And he came to her and said, “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.” 29 But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. 30 The angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. 32 He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. 33 He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” 34 Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I am a virgin?” 35 The angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God. 36 And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God.” 38 Then Mary said, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.
Questions for Reflection
Take some time to be with God as you reflect on any or all of the questions below, whichever feel meaningful to you, or anything else the Spirit brings to mind. It may help to write things down to help organize your thoughts or feelings, or simply to make space for silence and notice what comes up.
What are some of the places in your life or in leading your community where you feel especially not in control right now? What is not going according to your vision or plans? Additionally, what are some of the places where you do feel control, and where things are going pretty much how you plan for them to go?
Think about what feels out of control right in life now, what feelings does that bring up in you? Anger? Disempowerment? Peace? Amusement? Exhaustion? Creative energy? Fear? Trust? Something else?
How are you responding to or coping with any difficult feelings? What are some of the more and less life-giving ways you are caring for yourself in this season?
In the scripture above, what was your reaction to Mary’s final statement, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word”? Did it feel like an attitude you aspire to have in your relationship with God, or not? Or does it feel complicated? Why or why not?
When we feel a loss of control, it can be an invitation to trust in God or surrender our plans and life to God’s love and movement. Which of these words—trust or surrender—do you feel more closely captures what God is inviting you to in this time of pronounced uncertainty? Spend some time sharing with God where you’re at now in terms of trust and/or surrender. Pay attention to the images, words, scriptures, or memories that come up when you reflect on this. You might want to stay with one of these that feels especially meaningful.
Closing Prayer
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.
Suscipe, by St. Ignatius of Loyola
Go in Peace, friends!
Rev. Dr. Bethany McKinney Fox is the Director of Spiritual Formation for Cyclical LA. She is the organizing pastor of Beloved Everybody Church in Los Angeles, an ability-inclusive community where people with and without intellectual and other disabilities lead and participate together. Her recent book Disability and the Way of Jesus (2019, IVP Academic) explores how to follow the healing way of Jesus to create communities of mutual thriving.